Thankfully, it didn't rain. I really think that made a lot of difference for us. We were able to enjoy a fun family day at The Farm. The amazing WA state corn maze was PERFECT for my 2 obsessed cartographers. And Micah, my horticulturist, dubbed himself "The Prince of the Corn!" We had a slow start to the day and after Joel's morning nap we went to the Family Pancake House for lunch. The boys each enjoyed a great cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles :-) mmmmm......
we went from there to the cemetary. Now I know that every family is different, and this may not be normal, but we do not go there often. It is just not somewhere we very often want to be. This was only the third time we had taken the boys, and they were older now. When we arrived and Daniel walked up to the headstone, he said , "I always feel sad when I see this". The big boys studied the headstone very reverently. We stayed for awhile and wept and ached. While it is not uncommon for the boys to see me cry for their brother, daddy is not as emotional as mama. So while it was different, I know it was also good for them to see daddy's deep love for their oldest brother--as he showed Joel the headstone and Timmy's picture on it, with tears pouring from his eyes. It is hard to go there. the here and now requires so much effort and strength and focus that we are not ABLE to allow ourselves to feel the depth of our loss and pain very often. We would not be able to function. But sometimes we must. And he is worth crying for.
I did not take any pictures at Timmy's gravesite that day, but we went over to the other area as the boys wanted to see the fountain, so I took some of them there. We looked through the older gravestones and noticed how many had served in WW2, which was very intriguing to the boys.
I want to share a few pictures of Timmy's headstone, as I know many of you have never seen it. These pictures are from 2 years ago, when the boys saw the stone for the first time. It was a strange and beautiful occasion. They really felt a connection to their brother, and seemed to be more happy than sad. It is strange to see how much the boys have grown in 2 years--in body and mind.
It was definitely the hardest and most awful thing we've ever had to do--designing a momento to the most amazing child who ever lived, trying to encapsulate his life on a slab of granite 2x3 feet. How impossible! Yet, in the end, it changed the way we felt about visiting that place, and we were able to connect a little bit and feel pride for all that Timmy was while on this earth. Really, when designing it, we did it for his brothers, for the future. I hope that someday they are blessed by it. I know that each one will need to grieve and mourn him for themselves and it will change with each year of maturity and understanding. I am so glad I can point them to a real and all-knowing and GOOD Savior, who is not afraid of their questions and their pain. Because I will never have the answers for them, nor can I heal their pain, as much as my mother heart longs to do so.
Thank you again to all of you who wrote and who remember and who pray for us still. Thank you to those who take a moment to tell about Timmy to someone who never knew him. Nothing blesses me more. It is hard to have new friends who never knew my amazing son. So I am thankful to those of you who help us keep his memory alive. He is an inspiration to us, still.
6 comments:
I hardly ever cry but this brings tears to my eyes. I miss Timmy so much and cannot imagine what you guys go through all the time. He is such an inspiration!!
Every time I read this blog I cry. I want to see how the boys are doing but I keep thinking about Timmy and that makes me sad, but happy to know that he's with Jesus!
Amazing to see how much the boys have grown in two years--like you said, in body and mind. Thank you for posting about your day. The corn maze pictures are incredibly fun and your boys are incredibly handsome! Love the one of Joel with his daddy. He is so beautiful (if Robert is reading this, I'm talking about Joel, not you!). Oh, how I miss sweet Tim -- miss talking with him, laughing with him, observing the wonder of who he was. I miss you all and am looking forward to being together in a few weeks.
All my love,
Lori
Oh Leah...what an amazing way to spend that day...thank you for sharing. I wish I had the chance to know Timmy...and even though I didn't I still think about him & you & your family quite often. My girls even talk about him from time to time & what I've told them of his love of Jesus. He is inspiring to all of us.
Your boys are getting so big & all so handsome. I hope some day they will get to meet my girls!
Thinking of you & miss ya! :) Kristin
Isn't this just the best picture of life - joy unspeakable, creative glory, and the saddest of sads wrapped up in the life of one little ambassador for the Lord Jesus Christ. Moving from the Farm to the gravesite - so difficult I ached for you. I'm so glad you are not afraid to show the boys the full extent of your love and lives with Timmy. It will reassure them in years to come - we are all so valued in HIS sight. My fav pic is Daniel nose to nose with the punkin. Hugs! Julie
Timmy - we are thinking of you and loving you and missing you. We know you are in heaven drummin with the angels - and everytime I hear "Little Drummer Boy" I think of you. Leah - you encourage me - that a mom can keep going after telling her son goodbye. I often look into my son's beautiful face and wonder how you were able to...I know God has given you grace to endure it - and keep on for your family's sake - but your strength gives me hope - that God always meets us where we need Him most. Thank you! And we will never forget the blessing and happiness that Timmy brought to the world.
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